Am I really a bad mom???

Okay here's the thing....Josh just signed Jordon up for flag football. Now if you all remember last year we did the football thing, but it was real tackle and all, and Jordon did NOT like it! lol. We ended up pulling him mid season. It was to much, he was one of the youngest and smallest boys and he was getting so bullied by the 7 year olds on the teams. But Josh has been practicing with him, flag style, and he loves it. So here we go again.....

He will be having three practices a week and when school starts going down to two. If you ask me I think it's a little much for 6 year olds. But whatever. Here's where I'm wondering if I'm a bad mom. Josh came home from the registering parent meeting and is all gunge hoe on the football stuff. I just am not really interested, I don't particularly like sports. I don't care if my kids play it but it doesn't spark my interest. Well Josh is all "you need to participate and be there and blah blah blah" and my thoughts are 'you signed him up! you have the job where your done at 5! you like football' why the hell am I getting the guilt trip over this?!

I mean when he has games I will make sure I am off and there. I will try to like it and I will love watching him play. BUT why do I have to go to his practices? Josh is there, isn't that enough?

So tell me the truth. Am I really a bad mom????

****TOTALLY OFF TOPIC****

You all know I am the Assistant Manager at the store I'm at right? Well before I was there obviously there was another one.

Well she went out on maternity leave, and that's when I got hired on. When just recently she came in and said she was coming back I was told that 'we didn't' expect her to come back after the baby' WTF!

So as of now there are going to be two AM's in the store, and on the DL I'm being told 'no worries, we're transferring her'.

And then the manager is all 'she may be AN Assistant but she's not MY Assistant. YOU are.' Me rolling my eyes!

So whatever, normally I just wouldn't care. I mean hey, we could really hit it off and work as a team, right? Hell no. All I hear is that she is super bossy and always wants to be in charge and that she is constantly stealing sales etc. etc. But I know I should wait and make my own opinions.

But not to mention she just had a baby and she is like a freaking size 2! That'll make you hate a girl, lol.

Anyway she comes back today and opens with me. So Josh is all why are you up so early? And I'm all I wanted to get my clothes ready and do my hair and make-up so I can get to work early. He's all why? And I'm all "Cause I'm going to be better!" lol. He's all 'your such a child'. lol.

****END OF TOTALLY OFF TOPIC****

~ Nicole

I'm moved!

Have you missed me? I have sooooo missed blogging. I can't wait to fully be back. I still have a ton of unpacking to do and work to adjust to.

BUT I did post a moving story over on my other blog. So go here and read it. AND DON'T LAUGH! It was very upsetting.

Be back soon. Miss everyone.

Oh and real quick listen to this conversation:
(I just turn on the radio, and Big Girls Don't Cry is on)

Abby: I like this song
Jordon: No Abby you don't, you never even heard it before.
Me: Do you know what this song is called?
Both of them: What?
Me: Big Girls Don't Cry
(a moment of silence)
Jordon: But mommy, your a big girl and you cry!

LOL!

Oh and how about Jordon trying to be cool in front of the girls in our new neighborhood.

One of the girls: DARN!
Abby: That's a bad word.
Jordon: No it's not.
Abby: Yu huh.
Jordon: (looking at the girl) Pssh, I say it all the time!
Me: Jordon! Abby is right, it is a bad word, and you don't say it! I better not hear it again from anyone.

Jordon got all shame faced. I had to walk away and laugh.

~ Nicole

It got A LOT worse

Well after I got my keys out of my car (read here if you haven't read about that)I headed home. I needed to pack up some clothes for the kids since they were supposed to sleep at my mom's tonight, and I had an appointment to get my car inspected.

The weather outside was getting steadily worse but I never shy away from driving in anything and have never been in an accident because anything weather related. Well today was the day I guess.

As soon as I merged onto the highway I could tell it was icy, and there were cars everywhere. I had already passed two accidents. So I wasn't going fast, but as I started to move into a different lane my car started to slide.....

I totally freaked. I tried to get control of the car, I remember trying to break but then thought that would make it worse so I let up. The car just started to spin and I started to pray out loud and scream. My kids were screaming in the back seat (thank God they were in their seats) and it had to be a miracle cause I didn't' hit any other cars, it seemed like they almost disappeared during my accident.

I remember spinning out then going in the opposite direction and slamming into the guard rail and spinning again. I don't remember where I stopped just that as soon as I was done I pulled into the shoulder. I was shaking so bad and screaming to see if the kids were hurt. Jordon was crying, he hit his head on the window.

I think that was my biggest fear, what was on my mind the entire time everything was happening. I didn't' want my kids hurt or their life to end yet. I was so scared for them.

But Jordon seemed to be okay, not really a big bump or anything. So I then got out to check the damage. Well my headlight on the passenger side fell off and my front bumper was hanging on by a thread. And once I got home Josh said there was damage done to the metal under the bumper and all. NOT good.

I barley made it home since the roads were so bad and my alignment is not majorly off. But I did. I am not going to work tonight I am still really shaken.

So just pray that none of us have anything wrong. Like you know from the impact and all. My back is all tight but it might just be because I am tense from nerves. Lets hope.

~ Nicole

Jordon Moment~ Color of Friendship plus a little more

Last week Jordon and Abby stayed the night at my MIL's house. And without fail every time they go over my in laws buy them a new movie,or toy or something. This time it seems to have been a movie, or at least I'm guessing since I never heard of this movie on TV.

As we were all buckled into the car after picking up the kids and on our way to my parents house Jordon spoke up from the back seat.

Jordon~ "I watched a new movie at grandmoms."
Me~ "Oh yeah, baby? What was it called?"
Jordon~ "Color of Friendship."
Me and Josh just gave each other a look...Me~ "Oh? Well what was it about?"
Jordon~ "A white kid that wanted to be friends with the black kids but they didn't want to be."
Me~ (wondering what the hell my MIL showed him) "Well that's not right now is it?"
Jordon~ "No but in the end they were all friends, cause color doesn't matter."
Me~ "Your right, it doesn't. Just like you have all different friends at school."

Then he went on and on listing all his friends from his class that were Puerto Rican, Black, Chinese and more. But that was basically the end of it.

Till we got to my parents house. I over hear my dad talking with Jordon and Jordon is telling him about the movie. They basically have the same conversation until I hear Jordon say this:

Jordon~ "But there really aren't any black people"
Poppi (my dad)~ "There aren't?"
Jordon~ "No they are brown"
My dad just laughed at him, but I just had to comment...
Me~ "Jordon, what about Jazzy's daddy?" (my niece's father is African, and just about as black as can be)
Jordon~ "Oh he's black"
Me~ "So there are black people?"
Jordon~ "No he's the only one."

LMAO! I was rolling. I told Mike (Jazzy's dad) and Sarah (my sister) and they thought it was hysterical.

So do you think that this is an issue we should bring up to children with these type of movies? Cause I mean Jordon really seems to have learned some things from it. But at the same time, I never really thought of it and would have just let him live and go on with life as is. I mean he's got lots of different friends and I had never before felt the need to point out that there are different colors and why and to be nice and not judge. He never did so it wasn't an issue. Not that I care that my mother in law showed him the movie. But what is your take on it?

Growing up color just was never an issue for me. I lived in Trenton, NJ. The city, but not the worst of it. In my neighborhood there were just as many Black, White, Puerto Rican, and Italian people. And we all hung out. I mean granted there were the gangs...The Pit Bulls were the guys from the burg and were mostly Italian and the Latin Kings which oveously were Hispanic. But you see that in any city. My point being that it didn't phase me.


I was always attracted to Puerto Rican and Black guys, and it was never an issue in my house. My sister's baby's daddy (that sounds so funny) and current boyfriend (same guy) is black. He's from the Ivory Coast in Africa. And it is funny how much color never phases us.

I remember showing some pictures around at work a few years ago when Mike and Sarah first got together. He was a senior and she was in 10th grade. So when this older white woman I worked with got to a picture of the two of them and said "Oh what do your parents think about that?" I automatically thought she meant that Sarah was dating in general. So I was all "Oh you know, they're getting used to it. She had to start dating sometime." But when she looked at me like I was crazy I realized that she didn't mean that Sarah was dating but that Mike was Black. And you know what? It offended me. It offended me that anyone would think that my family is like that, cause I think it is so wrong.

I come from a large family with lots of mix in it. My dad is Puerto Rican, my mom is 1/2 Italian and the rest German and Irish. I mean I've got it all. Then I have a niece that is half African (in the real sense of the word since Mike isn't even a citizen here yet). It just doesn't matter.

But what does matter to me and bothers me is when people make it a big deal for themselves. I work with a woman that is about the same age as my mom (46ish) and every time a person walks into the store and doesn't want help it's cause she's black. Ummm, couldn't it be just the simple fact that they are rude and don't want anyone's help?

Anyone that's been around for awhile and has read my IRK's knows that one of them is BET. I cannot stand the fact that there is a BLACK entertainment television channel. What an uproar there would be if there was a White ET. And yeah, I've got the argument from the woman I work with that there are Latin channels. And what do I say? It's cause they speak a different Language! I mean go and watch it, there are many different people on the channel they just all speak Spanish.

So when this big to do has been being made over the African American books I just had to roll my eyes and say here we go again. Why are romance books written by Black women not sectioned with all the romance books? Why are the suspense books written by Black people not sectioned with the suspense books? Why are they on a big old separate place for just AA?

Honestly at first I thought that it was all the authors choosing. But the more this stuff is floating around the more I'm learning. I still don't' know facts on it but I from what I hear it may be the publishing companies that are making this separation.

Either way I don't like it. When I pick up a book to read I read it cause it is well written and I like the plot. Half the time I have no idea what the author looks like, let alone her color, till I'm done the book and see the picture on the inside of the back cover. That is if there even is a picture put there.

I actually worked with a woman that told me her husband read a lot. When I asked her what he read she said Black authors. ???? Am I missing something here? So I asked again, "No what type of books does he like?" and she repeated Black Authors. Since when is that a type of book? I mean there are black authors that write romance, non-fiction, suspense, every damn thing. How can "black authors" be the type of book you read? Isn't that a bit racist?

But there it is, I could go on forever. But I'm gonna stop here. These are just a small window into my thoughts on these topics. Go on now, grill me. Give me hell. lol.

What do you all think???


~ Nicole

Christmas 2006, part 4

Read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3



Okay, okay I know it's been a long time coming. You know, this final part of my Christmas Story. So here it is ... 7:30am and I haven't even slept 5 full hours but my kids are up and yelling for me.




Normally they would just get up and come to my room but that would mean walking through the living room that the tree was in. I guess they wanted me to be there with them. So I went to their rooms and we walked out together. They were sooo excited when they saw all the presents. lol, then they ran upstairs to wake Josh up.



It was so funny cause Abby was opening gifts sooo fast so she had almost all her gifts open and Jordon was on like his third.


But they had a great time. By 11:30am we were on our way to my parents house. My mom hooked me up with a few sweaters and jeans from my favorite store NY&C, sneakers, and slippers. My sisters got me a gift card to get a pedi/mani (soooo excited about this!) a new purse and wristlet! Love my sistas. My brother didn't do gifts since he is jobless but he cooked us all a fabulous brunch. If he wasn't going to school to be some political big wig I'd say he should be a world renowned chef. The boy can cook! lol.

Anyway, of course they got Josh and the kids good stuff too. But hey we're gonna make that part about me.

After hanging with my family some more we headed over to Josh's parents house for dinner, an Eagles game and some more gifts. Fun fun. lol.

Usually my mother in law takes us out shopping and we just pick out our own gifts. This year I guess she thought she'd give it a shot on her own. All I can say is she got the gist of it right. I loved the two sweaters from NY&C she got me, can't go wrong in that store, but the rest? Well I wanted a robe, I got one, most uncomfortable material ever though. I wanted a track suit, got one in again the most horrible material. PJ's? To small, that's always embarrassing. lol. And to top it all off she got us a new bed set. Josh told me about it before Christmas and showed me what it looked like and I told him I didn't like it at all. He told her and she still gave it to us, which just made for some uncomfortable moments when I asked her for the receipt for it cause I didn't like it.

I know I sound like an ungrateful bitch here, but I'm not. Really. haha. I love my in laws. And my mother in law is great, she always over does it. But I don't know that she really does all that great on her own, picking gifts. We work better as a team. Although she was the ONLY one that remembered I collect Willow Tree Figurines. She got me the Wisdom one that is of a girl sitting down reading a book. Perfect for me.

And she did a ton of great outfits for the kids among other things.

Later that night we went to go home but had to swing by my parents house cause I forgot my phone there earlier. Well we ended up playing a card game called canasta from 9:30pm to 1:30am! lol, but it was lots of fun.

2:00am we unloaded all the gifts from our car and called it a night.

And a GREAT Christmas was had by all.




~ Nicole

Catchig up....

***Scroll down and read my Guilty Not Guilty post too!***

I feel like I have nothing to say. Nothings really new so hmmmm what do I talk about?

Well I had that jewelery party and it was fun, except for my ghetto cousin that came with her loud/bad kids and was showing her ghetto jewelery she was selling while my lady was still there. And I didn't even know till after the party was over! I'm so mad, cause I totally would have kicked her out! It was so rude. And she said to my BF (that just got married in July) that all men are dogs and she's stupid if she doesn't think her husband has cheated or will cheat on her! OMG, who says that to a newly wed person???? Or at all....

I went to that conference with Jordon's teacher. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. I actually had to bite my tongue a bit. You know, I didn't want to be the parent that goes in and contradicts everything the teacher says but I really didn't agree with what she was saying. Like she was saying he didn't recognize any more than 4 letters in the alphabet, and I know that's not true! I've quizzed him on them before. And she said he doesn't recognize any numbers but 1. Hello! So not true. Just that night his homework was to count how many acorns were on each square then match it up with the correct number on the other side of the page, and he did it all by himself! He counted the acorns and then found the correct numbers. Which NONE of them were 1! So I was trying to tell her that maybe he isn't feeling confident enough to say it out loud in class, and she just kept saying that he didn't know any. Uggg, soooo annoying.

I go to Vegas in like 20 days or something, and I am soooo freaking excited. So anyone that's been before give out some suggestions! I'm all ears.

K, sorry but that's it for now. I'm still tired, I'm gonna lay down again.

Oh one more piece of news.....Josh bought handcuffs and cuffed me to the bed the other night. lol. He surprised me. Hmmmm good surprise baby!!!

~ Nicole

Sorry I've been MIA...

So not much going on here. On Saturday I went to a book convention/fair with my girl Rene (yes that's Rene Lyons. lol) but you can go to SF and read about that. You all know I don't like to blog on books here since I have an entire blog just for that.

The gym thing is going good. But like I said you'll have a weekly update on that. So hang tight, I think I'll post it every.....Friday. Sound good? Good.

I had two freak outs since yesterday! NO I'm not joking, just listen...

First I got a call from Jordon's teacher yesterday. She wants a conference! OMG I start to panic, she says it's not his behavior (he's a great boy (to quote her)) but it's about his progress. Now we already have Parent Teacher Conferences in November. But she wants to do this now. Like this can be good! I think NOT! Now I know Holly's already told me to calm down and go with an open mind, that I don't KNOW what she wants to say. But I already have all these ideas in my head. Like it's got to be about his reading/writing, and if it is I'm gonna flip shit on her. Let me fill you in. My son didn't go to pre-school or anything till now, Kindergarten. And as his mother I taught him to write his name, how to count, the alphabet, colors all that stuff. But to read? I don't have the first clue how to teach someone to read. Did I go to school for that? Ummmm NO, that's what teachers are for. I live in a rich area. Am I? No a far cry from it. We rent a condo over here since it's close to Josh's job. But most people have money. There are either two working parents, or moms that stay home just to have their own time and still put their kids in pre-school. Well guess what? Pre-school isn't free, so Jordon didn't go. I couldn't afford it! So while a lot, if not most, of the kids in his class have been in a school environment for 1-2 years already learning things (reading/writing) Jordon hasn't. And for his teacher to hold him to the standards of these other kids is going to send me into a rage. Kindergarten is the first REAL year of school, this is the year his TEACHER should be teaching him these things. I'm the mom, I encourage his learning, help with the homework, but I shouldn't be the one teaching him these things. I'm not qualified for that. Ugggg. Okay Holly! I'm done!

Weew.

Second freak out. Today before I went to the gym I stopped to pick up some water and a magazine to read. I got People, and there was a big article about the school shooting in the Amish community near by. So while doing my cardio I read the article, almost had me crying in the gym, now it's all fresh in my mind. Everyday I go to Jordon's bus stop at 11:45 am and his bus arrives withing 7 minutes of my arrival. Well today I'm waiting ..... and waiting.... and freaking out! Where the hell is the bus? It is now 15 min. since I've been waiting....I walk to the corner, don't see the bus. I'm on the phone with my best friend and am freaking to her. Josh comes home for lunch and asks why I'm out there since Jordon is usually home and in the house already. So yeah, I'M FREAKING! Well about 5 minutes later a bus rolls in. Freaking going like 1 mph! Not his normal bus. This freaking moron drove so slow no wonder she was so late! OMG talk about giving a parent a heart attack. I'm thinking the freaking bus is being held ransom or something somewhere. SHUT UP! I'm a mom, I'm allowed to be dramatic! When it stopped I gave her a nasty look, kissed my baby and walked away. They better not use her again!

So another think I'm kinda annoyed about.....I'm having one of those party/demonstration things. It's a really cool concept and I like there stuff. Now I don't do these things normally but I want something and figured why not have a party and earn it for free if not at least discounted. Well it's a create your own jewelry thing, all Sterling Silver, 14Kt gold, Swarovski Chrystal, and blown glass. Very nice stuff. They have necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and anklets. Oh even watches! So I send invitations to everyone! I mean EVERYONE!!! What happens? Almost everyone on Josh's side has "something" to do already, my side? No one even freaking RSVP's! Which is no surprise, they never do. So as of now I have my best friend and her mom (who are driving from Delaware! Talk about a great friend!) and she might be bringing another friend, my sister and her friends, maybe my other sister and mom, and two girlfriends from work! I swear I invited about 30 people or so. A lot of my friends from when I lived in PA had some type of excuse too. Now I know it's about a 40 min. drive, but when they have things I go, and I made it on a Friday night so more people would come! Ugg whatever!

So anyway, I am having this party and if anyone is interested to look at the stuff here is the link. If you like something you can email me at jazzy_pez@yahoo.com or Lori Cole (who is the representative) at lorycole@aol.com, and order, it will get shipped right to you. I asked her about all that since I have some friends far away, and she said it isn't a hassle at all since everyone that orders gets their stuff sent right to them. So check it out.

Well I think I'm done. I complained enough for the day. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow with some good stuff to talk about. Maybe....

~ Nicole

What's up with me?

So I have nothing to blog about today or yesterday or the day before that for any matter. But I missed you all so I figured what the heck, I'll just ramble for a bit.
So what's been going on with me? Hmmm, well yesterday Renee came over my house! Yup our very own Rene Lyons, gotta lover her. Her little girl is soooo cute, OMG I feel in love, and A loved her. J too, but her and A? What a pair. Rene is soooo freaking sweet, and her major plus???? SHE HAS PERFECT EYEBROWS. Yes I said eyebrows. Hey, don't think I'm weird! Everyone has that one thing they notice first when meeting a person, and eyebrows just happen to be my thing. So I'm all kinds of jealous of hers, they are PERFECT, no joke.
I got banned off a board. I am not kidding. Dylan had posted some questions on JR Wards board about her books. You know, how there are some gay undertones in her book and she didn't think the slang fit the persona of the characters. Stuff like that. But OMG they tore her up. So I went to defend my girl.....and now we're both banned from there. ha ha ah. Check our book blog Sanctuary's Finest with in the week to read all about it, from me, Dylan and Holly. It'll be great.
A is dancing. And OMG she is soooo cute, and she loves it. It is only for an hour once a week. I wish it were more cause every day she asks 'mommy do I have dance today?'. lol.
Next Friday I go on J's first school trip! Yeay, I asked him if he wanted me to go and he said yes. Sooooo I'm going. Now you'd think I'd be all kinds of excited about this but really I'm not. I mean yeah, it'll be fun to go with my son, but I'll be in charge of 4 kids total. I don't like other peoples kids! Soooo true. For some reason I have no tolerance for them. So I'll have to keep you posted on how that goes.
My husband just got a BIG raise!!! Soooo happy about that. He actually got offered a job for another company doing the same thing but he'd be a manager instead of a supervisor. Well when he told his boss they counteroffer. So we're all happy now. Sice the company he is with now has always been good to us and he has seniority there and all.
Me? I'm still stuck in my job I hate. Uggg, but I kinda don't want to leave till after Christmas. I mean I know it'll get more stressful and all but I love the busyness around the holidays. Not to mention the commission check will be huge.

Well that's it on me for now. What's going on with all you? Have any ideas on things I can post on? I'm having such a block right now.

Oh Jesus it hurts!

Okay I really don't even have time to post right now but I just had to pop in here and tell you what I did to my poor hand just 20 minutes ago.

I went to pick something up at a friends house and when I went to leave I realized I couldn't buckle myself. I had shut the door on my seat belt. So I open the door to pull the seat belt up and shut the door. Only one problem.....

My hand was holding the seat belt up so high it was acually in the doors way. I crushed my hand, MY ENTIRE FIST, in the door. In my FORD EXPLORER DOOR! Oh good Lord it hurt. As soon as I did it I was like "*!@ GOD! Oh Jesus..." and A goes "Mommy why are you saying Jesus?"

Now I'm the tpye of person when I'm in pain I cannot have any noise. Yeah, you should have seen me in the labor and delivery room, that's a funny story! But I digress. So I say "Quiet quiet baby, mommy just needs to pray for a little bit." Then I proceeded with "Jesus, Jesus, Oh goodness it hurts..." You know normal cryin'. I had to tell my kids I was praying cause I was saying Jesus, which technically I was. Praying for the pain to stop.

It's not so horribly bad now. But I know I'm gonna be bruised. Ouch!

He's leaving me!

Okay don't freak out, I'm not talking about my husband. Or at least I don't think he's leaving me. lol. But my baby! My little J, he's going to Kindergarten tomorrow! I don't know how I'm going to handle it! I am really going to try not to cry but I think I might just break down, at least I can promise not to do it in front of J. But my goodness, I swear I never thought this day would come so fast. I'm so scared. He's taking the bus. What if he won't get on? What if he gets on but won't get off? Who will help him? I won't be there. For goodness sake the teacher is going to be holding a blue balloon, how the heck is he supposed to remember that in the craziness of being on a new bus with no one he knows??? I am so scared. Oh wait I said that. Well I AM!!!! What if he gets nervous and doesn't talk to anyone, what if a kid picks on him and he doesn't tell me so I can do something about it??? Please help calm me. Am I being totally whacked??? Is this a normal reaction for parents??? OMG I'm a nut case. I gotta go. I have to go try and sleep. OMG I'm a wreck!

My Story...

Well I wanted to blog about 'what if's' in life but I figured I'd give you my story first. Then talk about 'what if's' since I seem to run them through my head sometimes, about my own life.

I grew up in a Christian home, I was always at church functions, youth group the whole nine yards. And I loved it, I wasn't one of those kids forced into going, I had great friends, and my church was fun. I wasn't a naive teen either, although I went to a Christian school I lived in the City. I had lots of friends in my neighborhood, so believe me I wasn't sheltered. So anyway, I had boyfriends, lots of boyfriends, but I was never the girl that went 'all the way' with the guys, and they knew it. I never experimented with drugs, but for some odd reason I dated (if you can call it that, we just made out never went anywhere) a few guys that sold them. I always felt like I could be the one to 'save them from their ways'. lol.

Moving on to when I was 16....I meet JD at church. He was dating another girl. Actually the sister of a friend of mine, but I didn't know her. I actually thought JD's brother was cute and was looking at him. Well after JD and his girlfriend broke up he and I started to talk. Just as friends but it soon became apparent that we were both attracted to each other. So March 21, 1998 JD and I were officially a couple. Now this in my mind would be my first real boyfriend. Not the first guy I kissed or made out with or anything like that. But the first boyfriend to take me out on dates, take me to his house to meet the family. You know all that. He had just turned 17 the beginning of that month and I was to turn 17 in August.

We dated with only two break-ups through our junior year in high school and through our senior year too. We'd talk about marriage in general terms, such as we knew we'd always be together so of course one day we'd marry. But we didn't go looking at rings, and I never asked him about it. For that matter I never really thought about it much. But about a month after we graduated, on June, 30, 1999 I was proposed to. Now I'm not going to go into it all right now, I'll do a separate post on that. But anyway....on with the story.

My parents had gotten married when my dad was 20 and my mom 18. They are still together, 27 years now. JD's parents got married a lot later in life, his dad was married before and had two kids from that marriage. So needless to say my parents voice their concerns on us being so young, but were happy for us and gave us their blessing. JD's parents were sooooo far from happy it wasn't even funny. They basically flipped. There were family meetings over this and the whole nine yards. But we were young and determined to do what we wanted. So the wedding date was set.

July, 8, 2000 I was married! It was so much fun. The new Condo, my own furniture and yard, and bills (yes bills, I was excited to have my own. lol) just everything. We had decided before we got married to wait 5 years to have kids. After we got married we shortened it to 2 years. Then a couple we knew were having a lot of trouble getting pregnant and supposedly at the time the doctor thought it could have been her birth control and all this stuff. So JD and I got scared and basically decided to leave it to nature and not take any birth control.......Our first Christmas.....I take a pregnancy test.....I'm pregnant! Merry Christmas everyone! We were soooo happy! J was born August 21, 2001. J's first birthday comes and ..... I take another pregnancy test.....I'm pregnant again! And this time it was a shock, I was on Birth control. Granted they were a very low dosage (since I had just stopped nursing J), and I was horrible at remembering all the time, but still we were shocked. I got over my shock fast and was happy again. JD took a bit more to get used to the fact that we were going to have two kids 21 months apart. March 30, 2003 A was born.

So now I've been married 6 years, with a 5 year old, and 3 1/2 year old. And I am only 25 (or will be in 5 days) and sometimes I just wonder....."What if..." I didn't get married, what if JD and I just dated and we each went off to college? Would we have ended up married eventually? Would I have my babies? Would I be living in Jersey? Would I be richer? Who would I be with? All these what if's. It can boggle the mind, it really can. I try not to dwell on it much but for some reason today it was just on my mind. I love my husband to death, and my children too. I wouldn't trade them for the world. I have so much to be thankful for and I am but sometimes you just have to wonder....what if......don't you?

OMG I need HELP!

Okay here is my delima! My son is starting part time kindergarten in September, and I want to put my daughter in pre-school, and J in a after school program. I want to do that because I really think A would benefit from it and J too, they aren't around other kids much. Where we live isn't really swarming with children. And also I am sick of working retail. I want a real job. You know. I hate the hours I work, I hate working every weekend. I hate the entire atmosphere at my job. It just doesn't make me happy. Also I never have time with my entire family. I am home with the kids during the day, then JD gets home and I go to work. Yeah, the kids see us both, but we are never ALL together. So I need a real job. What do I do??? I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE!
When I was engaged to JD I worked at a mortgage company doing clerical stuff, and then I worked at a doctors office doing medical records stuff. After that I got pregnant and have only worked part time off and on. So it's been retail. It's been about 5 years now. I am so lost. I don't know what I want to do, or what I even can do. Nothing sounds interesting, or if it does it sounds scary. I'm almost afraid to put myself out there.
I need to get on it now though. School starts in just a few weeks, and I wanted to do this all at the same time.
I never went to college, I am sorry only because a lot of jobs have that as a requirement. I don't wish I went though, I always new it wasn't for me. So I really don't know. Any suggestions? OR helpful hints? Or encouragement? SOMETHING??? Especially any other stay-at-home moms that have ventured out into the work world after so long. How did you do it? What did you do???

J&A Moment ~ Dressing Up

My kids just came out of their room all proud of themselves. They got dressed without me! Yeay!!!

Guess what they are wearing?

J~ Baby blue basketball shorts with a orange and white stripe down the side, with a white shirt with a yellow truck on it, that has light grey sleeves with a dark blue stripe down it.

A~ Teal shorts that have pink and yellow flowers on it, and a white shirt with purple flowers on it.



Yeah, so I'm not leaving the house like this today. lol.

'J' Moment ~ My handsome boy!

My baby is getting so big. And cuter and smarter by the day. I swear overnight J has become a big boy! I know I sound like such a sap but all you parents know what I mean, how it happens over night.
J is playing tackle football like I told you all, he has practices 3 times a week. He is sooo cute. He's loving it, he may not be the best in all the drills but he is having so much fun. Well today they are getting their helmets and have to practice in them. So I say to J...

Me~ J, know what you have to wear at practice today?
J~ My helmet! I know, daddy told me.
Me~ Okay, well it's gonna be a little heavy and you'll have to get used to it, so don't give up baby.
J~ I can handle it mom. I'm a big boy, I can carry heavy stuff.

OMG, isn't he sooo stinkin' cute!!! I just love this boy to death.