I Can't Say Good-Bye

I'm a big sister...the way life goes you parents go first then it should kind of go down in age. So there is no reason that makes any type of sense that my baby sister that just turned 20 is not here any more.

I just don't get it. I don't doubt there's a God, I know there is but this 'everything has a reason'? I don't know about that, tell me the reason my sister got run over by a drunk driver while walking to her car? WHY, Fucking tell me WHY? Where's the reason? Where's the grand plan in that?

She was so beautiful! So full of life. She loved everyone and everyone loved her. She was so funny, she made you crack up all the time. She had the most beautiful eyes and the longest lashes. We used to have the same red color hair but as I got older and had kids mine changed and got darker, more brown. I would always say it's not fair and I wanted her hair, so long, wavy and beautiful. But now....THIS is what's not fair.

I know she's in heaven and that's a better place and she's fine now but the fact is she shouldn't be there yet! She was only 20! She had a life she wanted to live, she was my baby sister, my parents are dying over this, she had two nieces and a nephew. She didn't' even have a chance to get married and have her own babies yet!

OMG I hate this! This fucking sucks! I hate the asshole that did this! He speeds, while drunk hits my sister, my Hannah, and then FLEES! He left! Thank God for the security guard that was there and followed him till the cops got there. I want this man to know what he did. I want him to see my sisters picture to know what he took away, then I want him to sit in a jail cell and think of that every day of his life.

I don't know how my family will ever get past this! How do you? OMG I'm dying inside! Look at her! Look how beautiful and special she was!



She just went to Florida for my cousins Sweet 16 and had so much fun. Then she was in Myrtle Beach with one of her best friends during bike week being crazy. She rode on the back of bikes, went skinny dipping in the ocean. She was young and having the time of her life. In august she was going to go on her first cruise with a bunch of friends. Now she's gone. Now I'll never be able to call her and talk about my stupid issues, now I'll never be able to guilt her into being my last minute baby sitter. We can't get out eyebrows done together and go shopping at Forever 21 together, one of her favorite stores.

We were just there on Wenesday. I woke her up around 12, she always sleeps late cause she works at night in a hotel. She got ready the whole time me rushing her and her telling me to leave if I was annoyed. The whole time neither of us really cared cause we never fought. We went to McDonald's for Ice Coffees and they were so watered down, she also got a honeymustard, grilled chicken snack wrap. Then we went to the mall, we went to Bath and Body works and she got Fresh Pineapple shampoo and conditioner. Then we got good coffees from Starbucks, her iced me hot. Then we stopped at CR and Forever 21. She found a purse she loved and treated herself. I got crazy big red sunglasses that she liked. Then I dropped her off at home. She came back later to babysit my kids while Josh and I went to a meeting and when we got back she was waiting outside to leave cause we were late and she was meeting friends to go to a movie. But she came back that night and burned two CDs for me. We hung out till around midnight......and the last time I saw her was when she said "Oh snap" and ran to her car cause it had started to rain and she left her windows down.

I know she knows I love her but I didn't' tell her that last time. I didn't' hug her that last time!



How do I live my life without her? How do I go on? It's just not the same, it never will be.

My other sister is distraught. She was there! She didn't' see it, but they were both out together. They were with friends celebrating a birthday. Hannah left early to meet some other friends, she wasn't really drinking or anything cause she had to go to work at 6 am. She was so happy. She had her new yellow high strappy sandals on, her shorts and her new purse she got while out with me. She didn't even tell Sarah she was leaving so she didn't' get to say bye.

How do I stop picturing it? How do I get the image of my sister dressed all cute so happy running to her car then a truck smashing into her.....did she see it? Was she scared? Was it instant like the medics say it probably was or was she laying there in the street in pain all alone till the medics got there? OMG my baby!

All I can see is that all I can hear is my mom when I walked into the house wailing and saying "Hannah's gone, OMG Hannah's gone!".