Friday, June 30, 2006

J&A moment ~ A bad word


My children are in the back seat talking and I hear their voices rising in a tone that definitely means a fight is about to start. When J yells to me....

J: "Mommy, A said a bad word."
Me: "A what did you say?"
A: "I didn't say a bad word!"
J: "Yes you did!"
A: "No I didn't. Mommy, I said J was a bad word. But I didn't say the word."

OMG how do I react to that???? She didn't curse. But still.......

Up all night PUKING in a bucket!


And it wasn't me! Yesterday my hubby had a food day at work. Want to know what he ate? Sure you do, as it will definitely be something that adds to the story as it moves on....

Hamburger.

A 'couple' of chicken kabob's

A 'couple' corn on the cobs

Brownie with icing on it

Banana Pudding

Some other kind of Pudding

Pie with fruit on it

A 'couple' of Nestea's


.....and much much more that I didn't get cause his head was buried in a toilet while he was listing all this off.

So let me tell you about my night. I get home with my kids about 9pm, and JD is already asleep. Odd? Yeah, a little but I sure am not going to complain since it gives me some free time. So I'm out here working on my ..... blog (lol) when I look over and see JD standing in the hall way looking lost. So I say "What's the matter?" and he's all "I think I'm gonna throw up" so I say "well don't do it in the hall, go to the bathroom." just then he turns and opens the door to the laundry room and I yell "that's not the bathroom!!!" but he was only taking out an extra roll of toilet paper. lol. So anyway about 20 minutes pass and I hear "JAZZ!!!!! JAZZ!!!!" I go flying back to my room thinking that is where JD is, but he's not there. He's still in the bathroom! So I'm all "What's the matter?" and he goes on and on saying "I'm gonna die! OMG I'm gonna die!" He was doing it all, poor baby. He whined and complained worse than both of my kids combined all night. Wanting me to rub his back, hold him, lay with him. It is so true that the bigger (more macho) the man the bigger the baby. lol.

So knowing what he ate to make himself sick and how sick he got. And let me add that when I'm sick I am so on my own, I never get the attention I gave him. Do you feel bad for him? Or did he get what he deserved???

How bout it baby?


I swear to you I just don't get it. With the lines and ploys guys use these days, do they really think we'll be interested? Here are just some examples of the tactics they use.

I'm driving along listening to the radio when I stop at a red light. I happen to look over and see these two guys in a truck next to me, when they realize they have my attention they look at me lick their lips while giving me a nod. You know the nod right? The one that they think says 'you know you want me baby, feel privileged that I'm looking at you' . . . Okay, so what do I do? Give them a 'your a moron' little smile and look away. Do they get the hint? No of course not, they start to blow me kisses. Now really! Do they think I'm going to all of the sudden pull over and hop in their truck for a three-some? Yeah, not really gonna happen.

Or how about this, I'm at work the other day and we're about to close. So I'm walking around the outside of the store wiping down the glass making sure everything is in order, when I see these three guys walking towards me. I don't pay them any mind, but as they are about to pass me one of them pushes their friend into my path and says "this is Joe"! I seriously looked at him like he was an alien. Did he, or his friends, think that was a good way to meet a girl? I think the last time someone used that was in junior high!

I work at a jewelry store, I wear my wedding ring and engagement ring. Which is quite nice if I do say so myself (just got a new set). So why do I have guys ask me if I am married as if it isn't so obvious? And why when I patiently smile and say 'yes I am' do some of them actually have the nerve to ask 'how married am I' WTF? I'm married, married married! What other kind of married is there?

Or this is one of my favorites. When your walking and you hear "hey mama!" proceeded by kisses and whistles. Yeah that has got to be my favorite. That is why I've taken to ignoring, giving dirty looks or just shaking my head when guys try to pick me up.

So it was really quite funny the other day when at work I was sent on a run for ice cream. ~We have a Cold Stone right outside the mall and sometimes we just have to have it~. So I am walking back to the store and am running up the stairs when I hear a guy behind me saying something. Well like I said it is either a) ignore them b) give a dirty look or c) shake my head. So not wanting to turn around to give a dirty look to scared I'd fall, and to annoyed to ignore I chose b) shake my head. So that's what I did and as I got to the top of the stairs I keep on walking till I see a group of kids arguing and it catches my attention, so as I pass them I look back and out of the corner of my eye I see this guy Christian (this HOT guy) that also works in the mall (he's a glasses technician or something). So I stop and say "hey, didn't see you there." and he's all "I was calling your name on the stairs didn't you hear me?" and I blush and say "oh no! Sorry I usually just ignore or give dirty looks." he laughs and said "yeah I noticed" then he winks and says "That's the kind of girl I need." Now if he was using that line to pick me up, maybe it would have worked. IF I was single. Cause goodness did he look so cute looking at me like that as he winked and smiled.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Urban Legends

Or just things that freak you out! Such as the man waiting in the back seat of your car just waiting to get you. Or the leprechaun that is under your car and every time you get in or out it tries to slice your ankles. Or the rapist that is hiding behind the corner next to your door or behind your bush. Or the freaky murderer that is standing on your balcony late at night just waiting for your eyes to meet.

Yeah yeah, I know they are all made up crazy talk. And some I've even made up myself cause my mind won't stop. Not that there are never rapes or murders, I am not making light of that. But you do know what I mean right?

Well even though I know it's all made up stuff it still freaks me out. When I get into my car at night after work I scan my backseat, after I park I jump outta my car (seriously I do!) so my ankles don't get sliced. When I walk to my car I even hold my key in my hand like a knife in case anyone jumps out at me.

You may all think I'm a little loopy, and I'm sure you'rr right. But this was all born out of growing up in the City where some of the things I fear aren't so fake (as in getting jumped on your way to your car), or just all the scary movies and books I stayed up late reading and watching as a pre-teen. Regardless all these things scare me.

Ask Holly. Tonight I was talking to her on the phone as is my nightly ritual on my way home from work. Our conversation on Urban Legends all started cause I had just gone self tanning for the first time in like 6 years. So this is how the conversation went:

Me: I know it's retarded but since I know self tanning is bad for you I think my mind is messing with me. Like my insides feel all queasy and I know it's because I heard about that girl that went tanning way to much, like 10 times a day for like a week straight and cooked her insides.
Holly: Jazz, you do know that is just an Urban Legend right?
Me: No it's not, it was in the paper or something
Holly: No really it wasn't, it's just a story passed down. He said and she said on and on.
Me: I don't believe you.
Holly: Just like the man that is always in your back seat waiting to get you.
Me: (glancing in my rear view mirror) Stop it, you know I'm in my car and it's all kinds of late!
Holly: Well, that one is true.
Me: ***Screams***(yes a real scream) STOP IT! YOUR FREAKING ME OUT!!!
Holly: snickering
Me: (trying to play it cool) Or how bout the leprechaun that is under the car always trying to slice your ankles.
Holly: Exactly.
Me: laughing (even as chills skate down my back and I jump away from the car)
Holly: Or the guy that is lurking around the corner of your door.
Me: That is so not funny! You know how scared I get, now I'm not going home, I'm taking a walk.
Holly: Oh like that's safer, stop being silly. Go in the house.
Me: Okay but if someone is there you are so dead. It will be all your fault. I should scare you.
Holly: Whatever.
Me: Spider, spider, spider...
Holly: **gasp** That is so not right!
Me: .....(after I am in the house safe and sound) You are so lucky!!!

Okay so I know it was silly for me to get all paranoid but I was really freaked out. How silly am I? But it's just not something I can change. I will always be a little scared when I walk into the house and nobody is home but me. Or even when I am in the shower and rinsing off my face or my hair and I have to close my eyes for a long time while the water washes over my face, the entire time I'm scared when I open my eyes someone will be there! Goodness I freak myself out.

I just have to wonder sometimes though, am I the only one that gets so freaked????

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Blogging

I think I suck at it. I mean really do I ever say anthing that means anything to anyone? Most of the time I don't even know what to write about. I mean look at Holly, Dylan, Izzy, and Grace's blogs. They have all this stuff that they do on certain days and there bloggs are just busy with things. I don't have that much talent I don't think. Like this blog here, I don't know why I am telling you all this, it has not reason. I'm just rambling. So if I am to have any point I guess it is this, I never have a point. So if you wanna read a blog with some woman talking about everything and anything than I'm the blogg for you. If you want a blog with strsucture and a point . . . then sorry to disapoint but that's just not gonna be what you find here. So to all my readers, I hope you find me entertaining. Till next time.

And just so you know, I am on my sisters new laptop and I cannot find the spell check so if there is misspelling sorry. lol.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Falcon Beach

Falcon Beach is a hot new drama that centres around a group of young adults of different social and economic backgrounds who cross paths in the lakeside resort town of Falcon Beach. It's about summer. It's about freedom. But it's also about two worlds colliding - that of the summer cottagers and that of the townies who live and work in Falcon Beach year round.

The townies are Jason Tanner , a local wake board jock whose father died when he was just a kid, Tanya , Jason's childhood sweetheart who has just returned after a four-year modeling stint in Europe, and Danny, Jason's best friend, a goofy arcade manager. The cottagers are Paige Bradshaw, a spoiled and snobby Toronto rich girl who wants nothing more than to be doing an internship at her father's big corporation in Toronto rather than be dragged to her mother's childhood memory cove, Lane Bradshaw , Paige's conceited and self-destructive brother, a coke addict and dealer, and Erin, who comes to Falcon Beach every summer to be a lifeguard at the beach.


I started watching this show about .... what ..... two weeks ago? Yeah I think that's right. But let me tell you the funny part about this. I don't even like it! Yet I've been watching it faithfully. The actors suck, the storyline could be good but they aren't working it right. It's just bad. And OMG what horrible lines they use.

Lets recap on my issues with each character:

Jason: Okay the first show I kinda liked him. At first I thought he was not good looking in the least but I guess he grew on me cause by the end of the episode I thought he was a cutie. Then the second show....they grew his hair out and I hate it! But that is not my entire issue. In the fist show he is this guy that just wants to have a fun summer, he hits it off bad with Paige a vacationer. But by the end of the show the two of them make out and almost do the deed. They kinda get caught and so they plan to continue the next day or so. We also find out that Jason had some kind of intense friendship with a townie named Tonya, but she left to pursue a modeling career and didn't keep in touch. By the end of the show she is back.

Tonya: Hate her! Yuck, this girl totally rubs me the wrong way. Okay so she's been modeling for 4 years now and decides she's had it with that life. So she comes home to no understanding from her mother. Her mother keeps telling her she needs to grab this opportunity now while she's young. We find out that Tonya also owes her manager $40,000 (I think that's the right amount) and she just blows it off. She is so full of herself and stupid. In the first two episodes she hooks up with Lane (Paige's brother) gets high with him, almost kills herself, decides to clean up, and ends up living with Jason's mom and totally being a free loader as she has no job. And totally stealing Jason for herself and hooking up with him now.

Paige: She is getting ready to go to business school. She is snotty and rude and I love her. Even if she sometimes is irrational and whiny. She doesn't want to be at Falcon beach and makes no secret of it. Like I already said she hates then hooks up with Jason in the fist episode. Then Jason moves on to Tonya totally ditching her and so she's a bit bitter. Understandable right? I thought so. Well anyway her dad is either a top dog or owner of some business or other and is having legal problems. She has always thought the world of her dad but little by little she is learning he isn't quite the man she thought he was. At this point in the show she is flirting around with the town doctor and helping Danny with his arcade that is failing.

Danny: Okay this guy is so short and so ugly I am not even interested in his character. He seems like such a lost ugly puppy to me. He is totally obsessed with this girl Erin that comes to Falcon Beach every summer to life guard, he just as gotten up the nerve to tell her how he feels and know she is dealing with should they hook up and be together or just stay friends so they don't ruin everything. Well like I said not very interested in him.

And so the show goes on, there are other characters but these are the main ones. Does anyone else watch this show? Why am I obsessing over such a bad show? I don't even think it'll make the next season. Horrible actors!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

My addiction

Well I know we all have them, some bigger than others. So here is mine......ready for it?.......MY CELL PHONE! Okay I never realized what a big problem with it, but it is going on three months now that I am getting yelled at for going over minutes. MAJORLY! Let me just let you read an email my husband sent me while very upset over our bill and my minutes, and maybe you'll get the picture a little better:

How about you listen to me when I ask you not to go over? I never go over on my minutes. In fact I only used 148 minutes total for last month. Only 13 of those were anytime minutes that go against the 700 we have! You used 1,856!!! That’s 30 freakin hours of talking on the cell phone (more than an entire day!) 687 were anytime minutes, 195 were overage minutes, 783 were night and weekend minutes, and 191 were mobile to mobile. So, I think it’s you that has the problem!

That was just a little of it, what you thought I'd let you hear how bad I got bitched at? A girl's gotta have some privacy. lol. Anyway needless to say I get a bit carried away. But I cannot seem to help myself. And I gotta say, HOLLY the majority of my minutes were used with you! But at least they fall into the mobile to mobile min. lol, so they don't really count.

So listen to this, Sunday we go out for Fathers day and I go to get my phone, but realise I left it at home. So I'm all "this should make your day JD I forgot my phone", and he's all "YES!". So when I get home that night I start looking for my phone. Can't find it ANYWHERE. Now tell me what you would think....I just get yelled at for all the time I spend on my phone and then the next day it just disappears? Well of course I blame JD, yelling at him to give it back. He swears he doesn't have it. Well naturally I make him swear on our kids lives that he doesn't have it and he does so I have to believe him. But I still cannot find the damn thing. And it isn't just not having a cell to talk on that is making me freak, but ALL my phone numbers are in there. I don't have any memorized! So I felt sooooo lost. (I didn't talk to Holly for DAYS!) So I FINALLY find it today and let me tell you how happy I was, my sister thought I was nuts! I actually kissed my phone. lol. I had 17 missed calls, 3 text messages, and 7 voice mails! I am loved!

So am I addicted? How are you with you phone?

Oh and just so you know, my phone was under the couch....way under in the back. My sister lifted the entire couch for me to get it! Love that sister of mine.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Can a girl EVER get a break?

Okay so here's how it happened, well first lets get the back ground info. Every Wednesday my kids sleep over my mother in laws house. They have been for years now. Anyhoo I always work on Thursdays since I can get extra hours. Well lately I've been feeling sooo stressed and so beat down I just wanted a day for me. So Thursday rolls around and I decide to call out of work and take a day for me. As I get off the phone with my boss JD walks outta the shower and I tell him I'm staying home, and no I don't need the car I want only to lay around and do NOTHING! So somehow JD gets it in his head that he wants to stay home too only he has a work meeting he cannot miss. **Thank God!** So I try to firmly but nicely encourage him to go to work. I mean it's not like I don't love spending time with him, but sometimes a girl JUST NEEDS A BREAK! No kids, no work, no husband, no nothing. Finally ...... a quiet house. I come up stairs to surf the net a bit and not even an hour into it what do I hear???? JD is home! What the heck??? This cannot be happening. But yeah, it is. He's all excited the meeting got moved and he has the day, we can hang out. Wooo peeee! I mean don't get me wrong any other day would have been great. But do you ever just get your mind set on something and want it so bad? Well that's how this was, I just wanted my me day. But I sucked it up, we went out to breakfast, then planned on hitting a movie. Well we do IHOP and go to the theater, but it is closed. Aww, to bad. Let's brows through Target in the mean time. Boring! Finally he's all what do you want to do? Me- Uh uh? Nothing really, just chill.
So naturally he got all pissy with me eventually and went out by himself to hit some golf balls making me feel all kinds of guilty for not going with him. I DIDN'T WANT TO. I WANTED ME TIME. I WANTED TO READ A BOOK AND LAY AROUND. MY GOODNESS. CAN A GIRL EVER GET A BREAK.
Oh and just so you know, I did tell him I was really sorry for being selfish I just wanted me time, and I was crying a little (yes I was PMSing) and he looked at me like I was nuts and said "yeah, your scaring me. I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. So why don't you go in another room and relax, and not the kitchen there are knives in there." And I will swear to you that he was to trying to make me feel guilty. WHAT? I swear, I am NOT crazy.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Chick Flicks

So recently I watched two movies and they really made me think. Both were in the 'Chick Flick' category, In Her Shoes and The Wedding Date. Lets break down what exactly my problem is here, we'll start with In Her Shoes (I saw that one first).


Now for my problem, and if you didn't watch this movie you might not want to read on cause I'm gonna spill the beans. The story is about two sisters, one successful one a complete free loader. The only thing they have in common is their shoes size. So the free loading sister is sleeping on her sisters couch and after her sister leaves for work the 'good' sisters boyfriend comes over. Well free loading sister is mad at good sister cause of whatever reason and sleeps with the boyfriend in the good sisters BED! Well who the heck cares about the rest of the movie my issue is that the good sister forgave the free loading sister. I'm sorry I love family and I know they come above all, but some things are just unforgivable. I mean it's not even about the boyfriend, it's about the betrayal! So how was this movie supposed to be empowering? What is it supposed to be saying to us as women? Screw your sisters man and if she loves you enough she'll just forgive you? Whatever...

Moving on to movie number two, The Wedding Date.


Okay now this movie I thought was really cute through most of it. Basically girl needs date, her sister is getting married, she's the matron of honor and her ex is the best man. So she hires a date, now I don't think I realized at first that she was actually HIRING a date. Like I got it but it didn't click that that would make him a HOOKER! So anyway towards the end of the movie we find out ...... the sister that is getting married had been sleeping with the other sisters ex most of the time they were together. That is why he broke up with her! And guess what else? The MOH sister forgave her! Awww how sweet, NOT! So the slut sister gets forgiven and the good sister falls for the male hooker.

What am I missing here? I just don't seem to be grasping why these movies are so good? I mean they are saying sleep around, you'll be forgiven. And don't worry if you have messed up relationships for awhile you'll have a happily ever after with a male whore. LOL, I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I shouldn't be blogging tonight. I seem to be having a pissy out look on things.

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

I'm MUST be losing my mind...

Okay I am so not joking with you all. Yesterday I am sitting out on the patio with the kids and my son spill iced tea down my leg. So my foot and flip flop got all kinds of sticky. Anyway I walk into the house take my sticky flip flop off and start to walk into the kitchen when JD asks me something, I answer him....Then I start looking all over. You ask why? Cause I realize I have one flip flop on and I want to take the other off in the same place I put the missing one, but I cannot find the other darn flip flop. Only like 5 min later did I realize I couldn't find it on the floor anywhere cause IT WAS STILL IN MY FREAKING HAND!!! I mean really! What is wrong with me? How do you do that? Look for something that you are HOLDING?!

I'm not lying I do this kind of stuff all the time. And it all started when I got pregnant with my first baby. The kids take all your good brain cells. Will I ever get them back?

Well at least it's not as bad as my grandma asking where her glasses are while she has a set on her head, around her neck, and sitting next to her on the table! I hope to God I don't get that bad. Although if I really think on it, I think my flip flop in hand may be worse. LOL.

Monday, June 5, 2006

'A' Moment ~ My darling little princess...

My daughter is three, and sooo freaking cute I cannot stand it. Now just so you all know I have the cutest 4 1/2 year old son too that I love to death but this is going to be about Abby.

Just some of the things she does and says that have me rolling, or sometimes cringing:

Yesterday we are driving and the kids are in the backseat talking non stop as always when A starts to call for JD (my husband) so he gives her the attention she is so desperately wanting and she looks at him all cute and innocent and says "Daddy your fat." LOL! I almost died, I mean where did she get that from? And JD, having just gained a few extra pounds, gets all kinds of defensive. LOL, just imagine my grown husband arguing with my three year old daughter over weather or not he is fat, and where she got that he was from. Of course that blame lays on me, but I swear I never said anything to anyone about his weight. I SWEAR!

Now this happened awhile ago, maybe 3-4 months back, but I cannot resist telling you all about it anyway. You never really think things you say are bad until you hear children repeat it and then it doesn't sound so innocent. Take my favorite word FREAKIN', I tend to say that a lot. I mean it is better than F*ck right? So when I'm driving and get cut off..."Freaking A" when I get hurt "Ouch, Freakin Crap" you get the point right? Well let me give you a few examples of how my three year old picked up on my word and added it to her everyday use:

In the bathroom doing my make-up with A standing on the toilet lid putting on my make-up too...
Me: Ab what are you doing?
A: Putting on your lipstick.
Me: Okay don't lose the lid.
...a minute later
A: Mommy can you put the freakin lid on this lipstick!

JD walking in on Abby in the bathroom by herself...
JD: What are you doing?
A: Flushing the Freaking toilet.

A after she peed her pants at my moms all over the kitchen floor...
A (to herself): Now the freakin floor is wet.

A stubbing her toe...
A: Ouch, freaking ouch.

I mean I guess I should be proud she always uses the word in the right text. lol

And just today this happened. JD is sitting on the couch and A is on his lap. And just let me tell you I have a ton of freckles, so JD is looking at A and says "OMG A you have freckles popping up everywhere on you." A gets up walks upstairs to me and looks devastated. So I'm all "What's the matter baby." and she says almost in tears "Why are my freckles popping?" LOL, omg she had me rolling! Poor girl I had to explain that JD didn't mean her freckles were gonna pop but that she was just getting more of them.

I got my nails done the other day and got a bronze color and when I got home A looks at them and says "Mommy your nails are ugly, I like pink better." ha ha.

We stop at red lights and she actually talks to the people at the corner waiting to cross the street. She tells them where we are going what her name is. EVERYTHING! She is so not shy.

She is obsessed with boobs. She is always poking mine, and asking if she is going to get 'big' like me. Which isn't saying much being as I am only a B, but whatever, that's not the point. She does it to everyone! My cousin came over and she poked her and said "Are they your boobies?" And she asked me what I was wearing right after I put a bra on the other day so I told her what it is. Now all she wants is a bra.

So needless to say my little princess is very unique. And boy does she know how to get her way, every time she wants something or does something bad she says "mommy I love you your pretty your beautiful" as if it is all one long word. ha ha.

She always has to have her toe and finger nails painted, pink, but she loves to roll in the dirt and have fun. She'll pick up any bug, while wearing her favorite pink dress. Always in dress up heels or her favorite flip flops of the moment, and she has more than me.

My baby, my pretty smart princess. I swear she'll be the death of me one day. I don't even want to think about teenage years.

Sunday, June 4, 2006

Clubbing

So I am about to shock you all! I am going to be 25 this summer and I just went to my first ever club a few weeks ago! Are you shocked? Well let me tell you all my friends that I work with were. They kept telling me that maybe I shouldn't go, since I am married with kids. Saying that I might get depressed on all I missed out on. And beleive me they were saying I missed out on a lot!
So I am getting ready with my chickies to hit the clubs all excited ready for a good time. And what do I get? Blaring loud music, wall to wall people in a hot stuffy building, my shoes sticking to the floor as I atempt to dance from all the drinks spilled, not to mention over priced drinks and men who think they can just reach out and grab as I walk by! Which let me tell you they learned quite quickly they cannot do that to me, lol. They sure didn't make that mistake twice. Anyhoo, I'm not saying it was not fun. Cause it was, you know dressing up with my girls dancing and drinking. But do I think I missed out on the time of my life by skipping over the whole clubbing scene? Ummm, no. I'm good, but thanks.

Saturday, June 3, 2006

What Were You Expecting?: Being Morally Obligated....

A great peice on a great topic written by my girl Holly. Something I think we should all take the time to read and think about. Especially us that have children, what is our responsibility? As for me? I think it is beyond wrong to site by and watch a child be abused which is exactly what is going on in this blog. So read on and comment, we want to know what's on your minds too. What Were You Expecting?: Being Morally Obligated....

I'm so horrible...I am going to hell!

Okay so lets get some background on my situation here. I work in a jewelry store. We work on a base pay and commission, so sometimes it gets a bit cut throat. But for the most part it is good old honest competion. Unless the evil bitch "K" is involved. She will take your customer you spent hours with and ring that sale up in her number without flinching. Evil bitch. And let me tell you I used to feel really bad about my feelings toward this woman being as she is almost 60! But she just goes to far and I cannot controll my illwill toward her.

So I walk into work on Wendsday and it is supposed to be me and my friend J working with K. Well when I get there my boss tells me K was in a car accident and after I asked if she was okay all I said was "Oh so she's not coming in tonight?" So blah blah blah 20 min later it is just me and my girl J and I look at her and say "I'm going to hell!" and she's all "Why?" I tell her, "When I heard about K I didn't feel bad at all I was just like, thank goodness I don't have to work with her tonight." and she was like "then I'm going with you cause I was the same way."

So how bad is it? Am I really going straight down? Am I the worst kind of Bitch? If so sorry but I just can't seem to care..... ;-)