Birthdays and hurt...

I don't have a lot to say right now or a lot of time. But as I was thinking earlier today about what to buy my mom and sister for their birthdays I was struck by how hard our birthdays are going to be both this year and every year.

Within a month my mom me and my other sister all have birthdays...the usual birthday thing with us is a birthday breakfast. Even since I've married and moved out my mom has tried to keep the tradition with either Josh doing it and them coming over or me just going there. But birthdays are always with family. So with Hannah's death so recent and all three of us having our birthdays I just have to wonder how it will be.

This was Hannah's 20th Birthday this past April:


I'm sure there will be moments that we're having fun laughing and then the laughter will turn to tears without any warning just cause we'll realize Hannah's not there. She was so much fun. Always making everyone crack up laughing.



Then with gifts....I saw this glass heart that you can have a picture etched in and I wanted it to get it for myself to hang on my rear view mirror in my car. Then I was like 'good idea, I'll get one for my mom' then josh said to get one for Sarah too. At first I thought it was a good idea, I mean I know they would want one, but will it just bring more sadness to their birthdays if I give them something in memory of Hannah? Should I just make it a non-birthday gift and find something else for their birthdays?

I'll tell you one thing Army Wives is like therapy for me right now. Anyone watching this show will know. Sometimes I just want to cry out my pain and every time I watch it it hits right on some of my feelings with Hannah and I have a good cry.

She always was sure of herself and how cute she looked, especially when she was going out:


~ Nicole

Why I cannot blog faithfully?

Let me count the reasons.....

The other week.....

Monday~ 9:30am to 5:30pm WORK

Tuesday~ 9:30am to 6:45pm WORK

Wednesday~ Me day!

Thursday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Friday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Saturday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Now lets see what this week looks like....

Monday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Tuesday~ 9:30am to 1:00pm WORK, 1:30pm to 2:00pm(ish) interview for new job (VERY HOPEFUL!) Oh and this happens to be my birthday! Yeay, me.

Wenesday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Thursday~ 9:30am to 5:00pm WORK, 5:45pm to 7:00pm killing myself at the gym, but loving it.

Friday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK.......

Do you see a pattern here? I'M LOSING MY FREAKING MIND! Lets all hope I get this new job with NORMAL hours!

But on a really good note guess what Josh got me for my birthday????? Tickets for us to go see the Final 10 of American Idol from last year!!!! We're going to Atlantic City to see them in concert 9/8!!!!! I'm so excited!

~ Nicole

JD and my birthday dinner

He's such a cutie isn't he!
Monday was my birthday, as you all know, so JD said we'd go out for dinner. My mom and sister came over to stay with the kids. I wanted to go to The Cheesecake Factory. JD swears he knows how to get there. Did her? Nope....Did he let me call a freind to ask how to get there? Nope. Okay so you may think I was getting annoyed but really for some reason I wasn't. But I was really really hungry. So finally after a million wrong turns I get to call someone. Turns out we did pass it once. Don't know how, it is huge. But anyway. We get in at around 7:10pm, they say it's a 15-30 min. wait. Okay, I can handle that.
.....35 min. later......I walk up to the hostess and ask when we're gonna be seated, we have been there over the time she told me. She says they are a little backed up and it should be 10 more minutes.
........15 min. later.......I'm getting pissed! I am hungry! It's my damn birthday! FEED ME!!!! I get kinda bitchy when I'm hungry.
FINALLY after over an hour wait we are seated.
From this point on there is really no complaints. We got to sit outside, which made me happy. It was freezing inside. We got these really yummy buffalo chicken appetizers, they were like shredded buffalo chicken fried served with hot sauce and blue cheese. We both go Mojitos (did I spell that right???), JD got this yummy orange glazed chicken, and I got Jamaican Black bean Shrimp with Mango salsa. See told you I love anything mango. Ha ha. Then I got Key Lime cheese cake. OMG to die for. I hate cheese cake, but this??? You couldn't even tell. It was sooo freaking good. We didn't end up getting home till around 10pm. But we had a good time. We don't get to go out alone much, so it was a nice birthday treat.