Why I cannot blog faithfully?

Let me count the reasons.....

The other week.....

Monday~ 9:30am to 5:30pm WORK

Tuesday~ 9:30am to 6:45pm WORK

Wednesday~ Me day!

Thursday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Friday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Saturday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Now lets see what this week looks like....

Monday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Tuesday~ 9:30am to 1:00pm WORK, 1:30pm to 2:00pm(ish) interview for new job (VERY HOPEFUL!) Oh and this happens to be my birthday! Yeay, me.

Wenesday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK

Thursday~ 9:30am to 5:00pm WORK, 5:45pm to 7:00pm killing myself at the gym, but loving it.

Friday~ 9:30am to 10:00pm WORK.......

Do you see a pattern here? I'M LOSING MY FREAKING MIND! Lets all hope I get this new job with NORMAL hours!

But on a really good note guess what Josh got me for my birthday????? Tickets for us to go see the Final 10 of American Idol from last year!!!! We're going to Atlantic City to see them in concert 9/8!!!!! I'm so excited!

~ Nicole

If it's not on us who is it on?

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY JORDON!!!! MY BABY IS 6!!!)

It's 12:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I've just watched two, no make that three episodes of a show called State of Mind, which is so funny, and I just really got the urge to blog. I seriously cannot even tell you how long it's been, well I could if I looked at my last entry but whatever you know what I mean.

Anyway, the topic that has brought me to the keyboard at 12am is being judgemental/honest/overweight/happy.

Now what does all that have to do with each other? Well here's where I'm coming from. I'm sure you've heard my story.....an average size 7 all my life, never worked out was just a normal girl that lived in the city and walked here and there doing things with her friends. Well I meet my husband, stopped walking anywhere and got into a comfortable relationship. By time I got married I was a size 9 by time I was pregnant I was a size 11.

(1999 at Josh's prom, the smallest I ever was at a size 6)

***side note***
anyone who knows anything knows that when I was a 7 it was a 7/8 and 9 it was 9/10...on and on....funny how it seems so much better by dropping that number on the end. lol.
***end side note***

Anyway two kids later I'm a size 12. Do I like myself? YES. Do I like my body? NO.

And I am sick and tired of everyone telling me that they are one and the same. No I don't agree. I love the woman I am. I am funny, smart, pretty and yeah, sexy. But I don't like my body. I don't like my thighs, I don't like my stomach, I don't like the tops of my arms (although they really aren't that bad). But it is really starting to piss me off that whenever I say I hate my body people say I have self esteem issues and I don't 'love' or 'like' myself. I don't see it like that at all.


(this is a bad picture, I don't have any makeup on or my hair done, but I wanted you to see a recent picture)

I mean I'm talking about an outward physical thing here. I know my body doesn't make who I am, but that doesn't mean you should neglect it. Right? I mean like it is more understanding to me for a man that has never seen me naked to say I'm hot and sexy. Cause yeah, I am, I dress for my body type an I am pretty. Because I know that does it make me conceited? I hope not, I don't really think so. But like I was saying it is easier for me to believe this random guy than to believe that my husband finds my BODY sexy. My husbands seen me naked.

Now people confuse this when I say it too. Yes I know my husband loves ME, and I know he finds ME sexy (as in the woman I am) but my body? I have a hard time grasping that.

Am I making any sense here or is this just a stupid midnight rant?

I mean people say I am judgemental cause I comment on peoples physical appearance. Well sorry, I work in the mall, it gets slow and there is nothing to do but people watch. And I try to make a habit of not walking around with rose colored glasses on so when I see someone that looks like they are about my age and cannot even walk properly because they are so big I comment on it.

Just today I was watching a girl that was probably younger than my 26 years walk down the stairs in the mall. First of all it took her about 5 minutes, second she had to put both feet on each step, third when she did get down she had to hold the rail and take a few big deep breaths before she could continue to walk.

No there was nothing wrong with her, she was just very overweight. And why is it wrong for me to thing this is ridiculous? I mean come on the girl had to be about 20, this is just out of control. If she's not accountable for getting that way who is?

I mean don't we control what we become? Don't we control what goes into our mouths? Weather or not we exercise? I mean for that matter, even if a little off topic, don't we control what we feed our children and what activities we put them in?

I mean we just make to many excuses for the way we are. And I don't think by saying that it means I hate myself and am a horrible person. I love myself, and I want me to be the best I can be. And I'm sorry but if I cannot sit down without feeling the need to drape my arm across my stomach I'm not the best I can be. What about instead of making excuses we make goals? You know.

Maybe if we got different mindsets and approached things differently the average size will stop jumping from 7 to 12.

Sorry midnight rant over. But not sorry for my opinions, they are mine and I am entitled to them. And just so we can clarify this one last thing up....no this post does NOT mean I hate fat people. lol.

...night.

~ Nicole

Am I really a bad mom???

Okay here's the thing....Josh just signed Jordon up for flag football. Now if you all remember last year we did the football thing, but it was real tackle and all, and Jordon did NOT like it! lol. We ended up pulling him mid season. It was to much, he was one of the youngest and smallest boys and he was getting so bullied by the 7 year olds on the teams. But Josh has been practicing with him, flag style, and he loves it. So here we go again.....

He will be having three practices a week and when school starts going down to two. If you ask me I think it's a little much for 6 year olds. But whatever. Here's where I'm wondering if I'm a bad mom. Josh came home from the registering parent meeting and is all gunge hoe on the football stuff. I just am not really interested, I don't particularly like sports. I don't care if my kids play it but it doesn't spark my interest. Well Josh is all "you need to participate and be there and blah blah blah" and my thoughts are 'you signed him up! you have the job where your done at 5! you like football' why the hell am I getting the guilt trip over this?!

I mean when he has games I will make sure I am off and there. I will try to like it and I will love watching him play. BUT why do I have to go to his practices? Josh is there, isn't that enough?

So tell me the truth. Am I really a bad mom????

****TOTALLY OFF TOPIC****

You all know I am the Assistant Manager at the store I'm at right? Well before I was there obviously there was another one.

Well she went out on maternity leave, and that's when I got hired on. When just recently she came in and said she was coming back I was told that 'we didn't' expect her to come back after the baby' WTF!

So as of now there are going to be two AM's in the store, and on the DL I'm being told 'no worries, we're transferring her'.

And then the manager is all 'she may be AN Assistant but she's not MY Assistant. YOU are.' Me rolling my eyes!

So whatever, normally I just wouldn't care. I mean hey, we could really hit it off and work as a team, right? Hell no. All I hear is that she is super bossy and always wants to be in charge and that she is constantly stealing sales etc. etc. But I know I should wait and make my own opinions.

But not to mention she just had a baby and she is like a freaking size 2! That'll make you hate a girl, lol.

Anyway she comes back today and opens with me. So Josh is all why are you up so early? And I'm all I wanted to get my clothes ready and do my hair and make-up so I can get to work early. He's all why? And I'm all "Cause I'm going to be better!" lol. He's all 'your such a child'. lol.

****END OF TOTALLY OFF TOPIC****

~ Nicole

Do I look like a freaking people person!?!

I was looking through a catalogue my mom has and saw this calendar thing with that (my title) saying on it and so fell in love. lol. Isn't it great??? So me!

Anyway, how is everyone? I feel like I have a whole new life here. I'm working 40 or more hours a week, which I know is normal for a lot of you. But I've been a part time worker for the past 6 years so it's taking some getting used to. Also the fact that I'm in management, like someone will ask me permission for something and I think to myself 'why the hell are they asking me?' then it hits me and I'm all OH YEAH! Yup, a real dumb moment, but we won't tell the workers that. lol.

There is this one woman that works at the store and OMG I've already got a million stories about this chick! She is 52, married with two grown children and one grandchild and I have no idea how she got this far in life! No I'm so not joking. You ask her a yes or no question and get a 5 hour answer. It drives me nuts. As I sit here and try to think up stories I realize that you either have to work in retail or meet her to know what I mean. It won't come off as good if I just tell you about it. But I'll try. Here's one example:

Last week I handed her a box and said 'can you tag these?' Now mind you this box has been sitting in our safe for awhile now and I was pretty sure everyone knew untagged merchandise was in it, so when she gave me a look of total and utter confusion I said (slower) 'there is merchandise in the box, look at the receipt attached and match that number to the number on the tag, then tag it and put it out.' The light bulb goes on, or so I think, she sits down at a case and opens the box (a case as in a diamond counter that customers walk up to and is open to the entire store), just then a customer comes in. In her haste to get the customer she just ups and walks away from the box of merchandise sitting on the case, so I say 'M put away the merchandise first', she turns back and I swear to God says 'OH there's merchandise in there?' WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL HER? WHAT THE HELL DID SHE THINK SHE WAS TAGGING? WHAT THE HELL DID SHE JUST SIT DOWN AND LOOK AT IN THE FREAKING BOX? Is it me here or is she a bit batty? After that she put the box away and went to help the customer and proceeds to then working it out to herself out loud. As in she is with a customer and muttering under her breath 'oh yeah, that would make sense that there was merchandise in there, oh yeah. okay now I get it'! Needless to say the customer did not buy from Miss. Crazy.

I've got so much more on her (as in the 24 year old BOY she is messing with!) but I'll touch on that later. lol. I'll leave you hanging for the moment. You know to get you back again. lol.

~ Nicole

The Move is ON!

Okay so it's on, 11 days and counting till I move. I just wanted to pop in and give you all an update.

I gave my notice the beginning of last week, this Saturday is my last day. My boss took it better than I thought. She's only mean about it behind my back not to my face, lol, gotta love petty women, right? So but really it's not that bad, who knows maybe they'll actually give me a best wishes card this weekend....

I start the new job on Tuesday, exactly a week from now! I'm really excited. I just can't wait to be back. I don't know if I mentioned I worked in this store before, the entire year it was first opened. So it's kinda like I'm moving back home to live and work. lol.

We signed our new lease this past Saturday and should get our keys the beginning of next week. So then we can slowly start moving some boxes and stuff. The big move though is 6/2, we got a HUGE truck so we can do it all in one big move. Since it's a 40 min. drive we don't want to be going back and forth. I'll take a ton of pics and post them of my new place. I'm so excited.

So after all that.....thank you all for wishing me well and routing for us to find the right place and for me to get the nerve to give my notice. lol. Don't know how I'd have gotten through. ha.

I'm sure I won't be around much now with all the packing and all. So I'll see you when I see you. But don't worry....I WILL BE BACK!

~ Nicole

Can anything simply workout right?

Okay not to complain all the time BUT.....

My boss that pisses me off has been working for the past two weeks sick, and guess what? I freaking can't breath out of my nose, and am hacking all the time with a sore throat! Thank you, thank you very much!

The house that we were going to rent with an option to buy? Yeah well that fell through. After over a month of "it's yours, it's yours. we just need to meet all together to sign the papers" it turns into "well we just don't know what we really want to do." And it's off the market. Yeah, that guy got a freaking ear full from me. I mean seriously, your telling me you own 15 properties and THIS is how you run your business? I want to hurt someone!

Not to mention my landlord has our condo in the paper to rent out by 6/1 or 6/15 the latest. So I need to find something like yesterday!

Then I need to find Abby a preschool. Not living in that area now makes it really hard to know what is where. And even more annoying is I need monday and friday from 8-2 and wednesday from 2-6, guess when nap time is? Either 12-2 or 1-3 depending on the school. This really annoys me because I'm paying for a freaking half day and she's going to sleep for one to two hours of it? She can nap at home! Grrrr.

Then the custom jewelry party I had, then my mom had? Well two of my bracelets had to be restrung because they were either messed up or wrong. Then I was told if an order was in by 5/8 it would be done for mothers day. Well now she's saying she didn't know my or my mom's order was for mothers day so it won't be done by then. YET a party she had just last friday was all done. I'm all WTF! Nobody said it had to specified that it was for mothers day, she just said 'order by 5/8 you'll get it by mothers day!' I'm all beyond pissed.

So anyone have anything good going on? Cause I sure don't.

~ Nicole

Does This Sound Familiar

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

- The car isn't washed

- The bills aren't paid

- There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter

- The flowers don't have enough water,

- There is still only 1 check in my check book,

- I can't find the remote,

- I can't find my glasses,

- And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!


(My husband sent this to me in an email. It is sooo me!)

~ Nicole

This Freaking ROCKS!!!

Today I went to meet the Regional Manager for the new store I'm going to work for. We discussed money and when I'd start. And I freaking rock cause even after he offered me less than I wanted I held my ground and walked away getting exactly what I wanted. Go me! I start on May 20th. Aren't you all so happy and proud of me!!! lol. I sure as hell am.

****************SIDE NOTE*********************
I am watching late night tv and just heard Rosie is leaving The View in June. Does anyone have the dirt? I am so happy about this. The show went all kinds of trashy with her on it. Good riddance.
*************END SIDE NOTE********************

Other news. We STILL haven't heard back from the landlord at the house we want to rent. As of now this is what we know....three people including us looked at the house. They want us to rent it cause for whatever reason we are their ideal tenants (yeah right it's cause we're so freaking perfect. NOT! I'm at a loss as to why). YET we've been trying to set up a meeting to firm out all the repairs that are going to be done first and get a move in date. Sign a lease and all. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY WAITING FOR! This is driving me nuts, the waiting and not knowing. Grrr.

************************************************

Oh yeah, and I started a new blog! I'm sure most of you know I used to post book reviews and other fun book stuff at Sanctuary's Finest. Well the bunch of us went different ways, with our blogs we're still friends, and this is my new blog, Escape With Me. Go check it out and see how freaking cool it is.

Oh and Nikki, I am soooo going to do your book of the month Ole! over there. I FREAKING SWEAR TO GOODNESS. I know I said I was going to try before but I sucked and didn't, but I really will this time. lol.

************************************************

I am having such a good time right now. I went to work tonight came home to an empty house. Got into comfy close watched October Road (which I was not impressed with the finale, but whatever) surfed the net, now I am blog hopping and posting. And the best part? I don't have to work till 4pm tomorrow so I can sleep as long as I want. I am in no rush to go to bed, as a matter of fact I'm gonna watch last nights Grey's Anatomy when I'm done here. No kids no husband no nothing till Sunday.

Josh went to NY with a few of his guy friends to stand in line all night to get tickets to go and see the NFL draft or something. I don't' know. But he's having fun and I'm getting lots of me time. I'm LOVING IT!

*************************************************

I so need to dress hot more often. Today I dressed nice for my meeting, even if I did look like I was going to a funeral in all my black. I had on my new Nine West 4" heels, black pencil skirt, black button down shirt which all looked really hot with my sterling silver chunky ball necklace and bracelet with my long dangling earrings.

I was hot and I was getting checked out left and right. And damn if it didn't feel good! Whatever a girl likes attention every now and then to know she's still got it. DON'T JUDGE ME!


~ Nicole

Friends

Are you a good friend?

Usually I tell people I'm not a great friend.

I mean I'm good in the sense that I will always love you always have your back never allow anyone to disrespect you or anything, and when it REALLY counts I am there. But bad in the way that I forget things (like random get together dates set up), don't call sometimes, get busy with my kids and work and not have time for you.

So I don't know, does that mean I'm good or bad? Or just normal?

I get annoyed at my friends though when I don't get a basic respect that I give. And I don't think that's to much to ask for. I give you my utmost respect and honesty all the time. Even if I totally forget I said I'd do something with you I will tell you that instead of lying to you.

So if I am mad at you I tell you. If I want to do something and it may or may not hurt your feelings? I'll tell you.

I don't sugar coat things, I'm blunt and straight to the point.

I'm a bitch sometimes but I think at the end of the day I'm pretty damn good to my friends. And I'm sick of finding out that I don't always give my friendship to deserving people. It's a waste of my fucking time.

So, this post doesn't really have an exact purpose. Nothing in particular happened. There have been random things going on with different people in my life lately and I just wanted to vent.

But I am interested in what you have to say. What is a true friend to you? Are you a good friend? Are you always honest or do you think there is nothing wrong with a little white lie every once in awhile?


~ Nicole

What's going on latley?

The move???
Well we are not moving in with my in-laws. lol. I know some of you are saying 'thank God you just side stepped a disaster', which may be true. But it would have helped us save money. But no matter, since it is no more. Now they are moving and we are moving but separately.

They have signed a lease for the place they are going to and all already. We just looked at a few places today. We saw one we REALLY liked, and it's very close to my parents. Perfect price range. Everything brand new. But you know how it is....we have to wait, see what they say, hope nobody else is trying to get it too. And just pray we get it. The only down side? One bathroom, I was REALLY hoping for more than that. But after being in condos and apartments I'm just happy to have a garage, driveway, my own mail box, a yard.....and all that if we get it. So cross your fingers with us. And yes it is to rent, we aren't buying for a few years yet.

New job????

I kinda got offered an Assistant Manager position at a different jewelry store than where I am now. It would be at the mall that is close to where we want to move. ALOT more money and better hours. Yes it is retail so I still have a few nights and weekends, which suck, but it's what I got for now so it's what I'll take.

I said 'kinda offered' cause it hasn't been done official yet. It was over the phone and since I know, personally, the person I was talking with it wasn't really professional. So this week I am supposed to meet the District manager and talk money. So I guess I need your fingers crossed for that too.

What else???

Not much I guess, isn't that sad? My life right now revolves around moving and my job. Yeay me! NOT. Uggg.

Well I just wanted to give you all an up date on me. Sorry I haven't been around but I've just not been in a blogging mood for awhile. I mean even over at my team book blog, I've been reading like crazy lately. I have a ton of reviews in the drafts section, but I just can't seem to pound one out.


~ Nicole

Whadaya think?

I really have no reason for this post. I just wanted to post this scary picture of me. lol. So here you have it. Whadaya thing? I like this new word I put together, wadaya. lol. I'm gonna use it alot, whadaya think about that? heee heee.

Hmmm, what else? Oh wadaya know? I don't think I told anyone yet that we are moving in with my in laws for a bit. Just so we can save some money for a house. It is seriously impossible to save as you pay outrageous rent. And our rent is decent compared to everything else in our area. But still. I'm crossing my fingers cause they found a place that would be perfect for all of us, and plenty big. But the guy is worried with so many people there will be to much wear and tear on the place. But all he has to do is go look at my MIL place now, it's immaculate 24/7! There is nothing to worry about. So send all your best my way.

*******************************************************

Yesterday I was driving my crazy kids to the library. I had to run to drop something off at someones house and they weren't home yet, so I decided to wait there. Anyway they were fighting and yelling and I was listening to an audio book, and I kinda dazed out. Yup, I just was like looking at the road thinking 'is this it?' Screaming kids, library, audio-books, feeling fat and gross. Ick. I really wasn't liking myself or my life yesterday. I just wanted to cry.

*******************************************************

Yesterday my mother in law asked my daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she said a bra! WHAT? LOL. My father in law snaps out 'you don't need that yet, pick something else' while my son is asking what a bra is and Josh is telling him he doesn't need to know. lol.

Which reminded me of the other day when me and Abby were in the mall. We walked past a nail salon and she asked what they did there. When I told her she asked if she can get nails and I said when she's bigger. She says 'big like you?' after I said yes she said 'when I get big like you, will I get boobies too?'. She's obsessed! I had to stop myself from saying 'lets hope a little bigger than mine.' lol.

Oh and last but not least.....how bout when we were at Target she points to a leopard print skirt and says 'look mommy it's like your booby holder.' I wanted to die, there were a ton of people around. Ugggg......


~ Nicole

I just don't see the light.....

Well right now life is really sucking the big one. I am not going to get into it all but it's not good. I probably won't be around for awhile so I just wanted to post something up. Sorry....see everyone when I feel more in the mood to post. Hey it might be sooner than I think. Ya never know. Any well wishes and prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

~ Nicole